the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
