Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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