she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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