FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
