I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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