U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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