I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
