Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize