another moral hangover. fuck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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