i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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