Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
