Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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