How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
