Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
