she woke up with a sticky ear
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
