It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
