i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
