Screwed.edu
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
