I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
