you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
