How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
do nipples grow back?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
