So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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