Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The beer is more important than you right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
