SEEEEXXX PLEASE
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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