He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
