I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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