Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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