my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
