Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
