I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
