I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
