i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
