im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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