He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
time to smoke my breakfast
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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