Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
