I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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