you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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