i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
