My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
