I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
