you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize