no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize