so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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