I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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