Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have fence marks all over my body
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
