this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
