You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
