well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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