Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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