dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
