and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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