dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
