You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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