So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
