Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
