the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We need to get me chipped asap
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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