u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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