Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
