Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
