How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
