I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
