It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
