I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Watching her eat just hurts me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
