using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
