I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
wow bdsm is so cute
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize